Recently Shane has become obsessed with the pause button. While watching movies or playing a video game he is always pausing something so he won't miss a thing if and when he decides to leave. I'm beginning to think the pause button was the best invention ever if only I could pause my life! I am desperately wanting to stop life right now as I know it! Damon thinks I may be going through a mid-life crisis but whatever it is I feel like I'm sinking sometimes. I love my life and I don't want it to change! I don't want my family to grow up. I love the stages my boys are at and the joy they bring into my life. I love the time Damon and I get to spend together and how complete I feel when he is with me.

Pushing pause will allow Trevor to stay 3 and always adore me. Even though he's 3 he will still have a little baby fat still on him. He will still need me to get him drinks each day and snuggle him in the mornings. If he's stays 3 he'll always need a kiss from me when he gets hurt to make it all better. I will be able to hold him forever and he would never outgrow my lap. I think life would be perfect!
Forever having a 5 year old on pause would be great too. I would always have a curious 5 year old asking questions and wanting to learn. I would continue to be the smartest person in the world along with Daddy. I would always have a baking buddy and someone willing to do big chores like doing the dishes or setting the table. Shane would never be embarrassed of my kisses if he was forever 5. Again, I think life would be perfect!

If I could push pause I would have my little boys always at my side. I wouldn't have to worry about them while they were out of my care. I would always have 2 little boys to hold my hand and play with at the park. I would continue to have an excuse to stop at 7-11 when they were in
need of a Slurpee and secretly so was I. Instead I will have to let them grow and become independent of me. As much as I want to hit pause I'm excited to see them both grow. I always wonder what will they grow into. Will they really be the police officer and fireman they dream of? Will Shane live close by like he always
promise? Will they outgrow my kisses? Only time will tell but for now and the many years left I will be enjoying our Slurpee's and trips to the park together, hand in hand with my two boys by my side.